Shared Pain

I hate to hear that anyone will go through what I have...that someone else will experience the deepest pain, a length of time more lonely and isolating than you could ever imagine, a feeling so distinct and dark that you could just lay down and die. I don't want someone else to feel the emptiness of their own heart.

If I could go back in time, I would ask for from those around me for patience, for strength, and for the time that I needed to heal without judgement. I would ask them to keep their opinions to themselves, and their stories of the ordinary. I would also ask them to stay with me, whether physically or emotionally, but to stay with me through the dark days. Life seemed so mean and cruel, as if it was holding a magnifying glass right over me, so that life could see me well enough to smash me with it's thumb. The days are always cloudy no matter how sunny it is outside. Every metaphor and sad song you have ever heard makes perfect sense.

Some days I feel that pain, but the days are few and far between now. What is permanent is my perspective. It is a feeling of live or die. I work hard every day to feel good, to be positive, and to continue to dream and wish, even though I know more than most that statisitics are a cruel joke.

If I could tell those stricken with the loss of a child one thing, it would be to keep living, second by second if you to, but keep living...the pain will go away, and the memory of your child will eventually offer you strength and compassion, instead of sorrow and pain. One day, you will feel only the love, and nothing else.