Why is today important?

From http://www.october15th.com/

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is to promote Support, Education and Awareness for grieving parents nationwide (and worldwide).

Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never coming to terms with their loss. Our goal is to help others relate to our loss, know what to say, do or not say, not do and to help families live with their loss, not "get over" their loss.

We have been in this boat. So, it is important for me to bring awareness to this day, and the significance and continual battle we have ahead, not to allow families to feel like they must hide a family secret. We try to honor our son as much as possible. We are not ashamed of him, and many people have a way of making us feel this way. It is ok to speak his name aloud, it is ok to talk about him, it is ok for us to grieve him and remember him as much as we need to...

Wave of Light

This month and next we have been thinking of Quinlan nonstop. We are taking time out to celebrate Don's birthday and our anniversary, but we don't have to ignore that Quinlan died a year ago next month in order to do that.

Please light a candle tonight at 7 pm for Quinlan and other babies/ pregnancies that have been lost, as people around the world will be doing the same in order to create a continual wave of light.

A Walk To Remember - Littleton, Co 2008

Well, it was incredibly somber, and heartbreaking...there were so many. The weather was very cold, and very drizzly, and the colored balloons seemed limper than they should have been, as if they, too, were feeling the weight of being a bereaved parent. When Quinlan's name was read, we released the balloon, and I completely lost it. I haven't cried like that in months. Most people were sobbing. Some wounds were fresh, some were more seasoned. It sucked for everyone. Some people didn't have just one balloon, but many...too many. They had lost twins, and triplets, and one after the other. One set of parents, how do they do it? I guess one foot in front of the other, just like me.

The money raised goes towards bereavement packages for parents in hospitals with new losses, like ours. This includes advice, words of encouragement, and so much more. It is so important. We felt so alone, scared, shocked...unable to breathe when we lost Quinlan. Our doctors stared at us, shaking their heads, in disbelief as well. The social worker cried more than me. We got a little bit of advice, but mostly looks of pity...We had a nurse who advocated for us and gave us the best advice. We will always be thankful for her. There is no birth certificate, only a death certificate, and questions about an autopsy and a choice between burying my precious bundle six feet under, or having him cremated. There must be 30 hospitals in Denver, and each one needs more than 200 bereavement packages per year for infant loss...PER YEAR. So, today, if my measly money made any one experiencing this loss a little better, then I don't know, there is some tiny justice in what happened to our son. It's all I can do right now to feel better about this.

This experience was my darkest hour. I am not sure how we crawled out of the hole, but we did, and today I was reminded of how far we have come.

Documentation

So, for the grievers out there, and for myself, I can tell you that as the days are nearing, so are: (a) anxiety, (b) irrational thinking, (c) nausea, and (d) sorrow, sweet-sweet sorrow. This is more difficult than so many people can imagine. I had no idea that it feels like this. I would never have known this feeling, but now I see it in others, who are struggling. It makes me want to fight for them, because they are so misunderstood.

Finding a reason why this happened, or justifying it does not help. To consider something would have been wrong with him or that is a part of God's plan doesn't bring me peace. It makes me wonder what kind of God would take something so precious away from me, because Quinlan was either too special or not special enough. And, that is not a place I want to go to, at all.

Tomorrow we are attending a Walk To Remember, where people of all walks who have lost infants will gather. I am preparing for this mentally tonight. I don't know what to expect. I just want to do as much as possible to honor him.

Circles

Monday, September 29, 2008
Circles


It is all coming back around. Feeling a bit anxious, I am sure so much of it is the anticipation of the coming month. I am again so thankful to have had so much support over the past year. Without all of you, I am not sure where I would be right now.

I am seriously trying to start a blog for Quinlan, so that people may visit when they would like, and people who are finding themselves faced with a similar loss might find a place of comfort. It is important for me to have this place as well.

I will get to that soon, but for today, I am going to walk my dog, and try to enjoy this crisp, fall day.

Love to all!
Renee

Fall

Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Its Coming Closer


Fall is almost here, and last fall was...well, you know, awful. Respectfully, Don and I will be taking a lot of time for ourselves. We will mark the anniversary personally, but it will be difficult. Even the anticipation is starting to get the best of me. November will be tough. I hope that we can attempt to celebrate Quinlan on the 14th, the day we met him face to face.

Just got back from Arizona, which was so great (and hot). Saw family that I cherish, and it felt good just to get away for a few days. I am now back in Denver, and I think as this anniversary arrives, I am going to post on Quinlan's blog and that's it. This one will go away, but I will be sure to transfer everything pertaining to him over to that site. I am just not feeling this anymore. Of course, I will pursue writing in many other venues...just not here, not anymore.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Cap Hill


While the DNC is taking place in our former backyard, I have been thinking a lot about that time during our lives. Don and I lived in Capitol Hill for 5+ years, with the state capitol just blocks away. I have seen my share of protests, rallies, and other interesting political hullabaloo (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence). I can only imagine the intensity this week. It is a beautiful part of Denver, filled with VERY interesting people, culture, and creativity. We miss Cap Hill, in all of its eclectic glory.

I am reminded nearly every minute how different my life was then. It wasn't even a year ago, but I have aged at least a decade. I want to go to see everything, but I can't. I just can't. Capitol Hill was where I came of age, finally, after all these years. It is where I figured out who Renee was, and is. It is where I fell in love, found happiness, and conceived a little boy that I don't get to walk with in this life.
So many mixed feelings...

A Few Steps Back

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

So, if you have known me most of my life (or at any time during my life), you might call me: (a) clumsy, (b) accident prone, or even (c) a walking disaster. I am not disputing any of these claims. I can assure you I wish not to be, but some things in life, you just can't control.

Newest drama: my back. After carefully placing my dirty, yet loveable mutt in the bath tub to remove the 'stank', I pulled something in my back. After nearly two weeks of being miserable, the MRI confirmed that I have some disc issues. Some are bulging, some have bone spurs, but the bottom line is that three of them are not well. I asked my doctor why? Could it have been the years of sports/ dance? Perhaps the countless bicycle accidents as a child? The lack of safety equipment during the formative years?

He said age. This is not the first time I have heard that. The harder you are on your body, the sooner it seems to fall apart. So, when I say I feel old, I mean it. Degenerative disc disease. What does that mean? Adjustments in my exercise routine, physical therapy, Ibuprofen, and hopefully no surgery.

Again today, I heard references to something with me being consistent with that of an elderly individual...my 'geriatricism'. (I totally made up that word). Anyway, I went in for another infusion, these will occur every 8 weeks indefinitely.

Sidenote: I have been moved to Littleton Hospital (for the infusions), which is fabulous. Male nurse-check (sorry Don). Comedies to watch on dvd-check. Leather recliner in my own room-check. Free food and chocolate-check.

As I was saying...Whenever I go to a doctor's office, we always seem to play a really fun game: Find The Vein That Works. After three attempts, he remarked, "Interesting." I assured him my reputation precedes me, and that yes, I am a bit of an enigma. Next he said, "Ridiculous". I guess my skin elasticity is a bit thick, but sticky. I counted a total of 17 times that nurse referred to my health records, and vital organs in this manner.


After I thought about it for a while, I decided this simple phrase captures who I am and who I have always been:

Renee Campbell - Interesting and Ridiculous

Finding Strength

Monday, August 4, 2008
Oldies But Goodies


Recently, I have been able to reconnect with some very dear, old friends. It feels great on so many levels. These people have a way of finding places in my heart that I forgot were there. The more love I can find in myself, the easier it is to move forward, past the pain and anger, past the frustration and sorrow. The more I reflect on the past, and all of these friends and family that have come into and out of my life, the more easily I can find the good in all of it. This is home to me...laughter, a shoulder to cry on, and the warmth of an old friendship.

Don't Feel Like Celebrating Today

Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Signing Off (Or not)
I made it past another birthday. Its no picnic turning 36, or as I feel, 100. I haven't posted for a while, because well, I am tired. The past few months have been a bit hairy, and while my health is improving, there are still many obstacles in my path. I remain positive, I advocate for myself, and I spend a lot of time trying to learn and understand. Thats all I can do.

There are still days when I can't cope, when I mourn the loss of my son, my Tibby, my health, and my innocence. Cliche or not, time does heal- I don't know about all wounds, but it does heal.

This blog has been incredibly therapeutic for me on many levels. I am so thankful that I live at a time when I can express myself freely, and get support from people who have such thoughtful words. Pain, tolerance, and acceptance are my daily struggles, but surrounding myself with people who are authentic and caring, has made life more livable. You are all in my heart, and your positive thoughts lift me up, every day.

Strength comes in many forms. Someone very close to my heart reminded me of that recently. We all evolve from life experiences. I have changed a great deal over the years, but inside I remain the same: a passionate soul, full of laughter, and love, that moves to her own beat.

Love and hope,
Renee

6 Months

Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Chicken Dumplings

If you haven't noticed, I am using this blog for virtually all of our updates. I hope that many of you have found your way back to this, it is so nice to hear from all of you, and also to know that we have so many people in our corner. You are all the reason why Don and I continue to move forward, sometimes very slowly, but still forward. (Aunt Noreen and Andrea-so great to hear from you!!)

First (business), I want to share with you all about legislation in support of legislation regarding stillbirths.
I am writing to ask you to co-sponsor legislation that would help the CDC and researchers better determine the risk factors associated with stillbirth and convey those risk factors to expectant parents. House of Representative Bill 5979, the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act of 2008, was introduced by Representative Peter King of New York in an effort to address the lack of standardized data collection nationally with regard to stillbirth. Each year more than 25,000 babies in the United States are stillborn. More than 50 percent of these deaths occur in the last trimester of pregnancy and 15 percent occur during labor and delivery. Due to a lack of autopsy/investigation and inconsistencies in diagnosing these, more than 50 percent of all stillbirths remain unexplained. With standardized investigation and reporting of these deaths, researchers would be better able to determine the risk factors. H.R. 5979 would both standardize the definition of stillbirth and the method in which data is collected, in order to create a national repository of stillbirth data to assist researchers in conducting comprehensive studies in to the causes of, and possible preventive strategies for, stillbirth. The bill also authorizes a public awareness campaign promoting good prenatal practices, including monitoring movements during the last trimester of pregnancy, to reduce the risk of stillbirth. You can go to https://gov/wyr/welcome.shtml and cut and paste this letter.

Second, we just got past the 6-month anniversary of Quinlan's birth and death. November 14th was bitter sweet, burned deep into our memory...so surreal. I can't believe that much time has passed, and yet it seems like a lifetime ago. It seems some people in our lives have a hard time with us having a hard time. To that, all I can say is get over yourselves. Also, we are surprised that some would rather pretend this never happened, or feel uncomfortable with how we chose to remember him. We celebrate him every day, because we continue to love him. You don't have to, just give us the respect that we deserve. Mother's Day (or the idea of it-thanks Rya!) was tough, but we survived and will continue to, picking each other up, when the other has fallen. At the end of the summer, we check in with the docs, and if my health is good, then we have some decisions to make. Only time will tell. Right now, I (we) just don't know.

Third, I just got the second Remicade infusion. It seems to have went well. I woke up with coughing and phlem, but not as bad as the last time. My thumb joints are swollen still, but it has not become any worse. It seems to be a common, but relatively minor side effect. I wish I could tell you that I feel perfect. I think that is asking a bit much. However, I do feel better, and that is all I can ask for. After the infusion, my energy level has really picked up, and I feel good enough to sub and enjoy the elementary kids again. Last night I had some delicious chicken dumplings from The Wok Downtown. It really is the little things in life.

Finally, Sam, or as we call him, Po Po Beware, Doolittle , or Wigglesworth, (maybe even Chicken Dumplings), is having a fantastic time. I have had some issues with the camera and downloading, so please forgive me. I do have this photo of him at PetSmart just a few days ago. Sam has met so many people lately. He LOVES people (he's a Gemini of course). His recent friendships are Molly and Francis Paul, Robert and Rusty, my Mom and Mike, Tom, Mireya, Charlie, and Tomas, Russ, Riley, Bailey and Shadow, Kathi and Cathi, the Nowells including Miles, Liz, Roz, Ricky, Austen and Minnie, the staff at various petcos and petsmarts, the staff at Davis Auto Repair, and every single person he has ever passed on the street (who he tries to hug). Soon he is going to meet Kirsten, Asher, and Lola! He doesn't realize how beautiful this golden is-it could be love! Today he followed me outside to get the mail, and my neighbor returned him a few minutes later (he is so sneaky). Thankfully, he is smart, and polite:)


That is all for now. I am working on getting my blog more updated. I have so much to add, including a new blog in honor of Quinlan: www.QuinlanJames.blogspot.com (Under construction).

Love
Renee

Grateful

Thursday, May 8, 2008
Much Thanks!


It is overwhelming to see all of the support so many of my family and friends have given to CCFA. I thank you all for your donations, your time, and your kind words. I have heard about others who have Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis, and I am sure I will forge many new friendships this way.

So far, the Remicade treatment has been great. There have minimal side effects. The night after my first infusion, my hands swelled up pretty big, and haven't gone down 100%. Other than that, there is some sinus congestion and coughing, but my doctors don't seem too worried, so I won't be. Before the next infusion, they plan to up the steroid and allergy dose, and see if that helps. They are hoping it isn't serum sickness, so, lets all keep our fingers crossed. I can tell this first round is starting to wear off a bit, so I am eagerly anticipating the next infusion on the 19th. Don and I are looking forward to the walk this weekend. I will try to get some pictures to post in this blog.

I almost forgot that Mother's Day was coming until a few days ago. I didn't think it would hit me as hard as it has. I was warned that anniversary dates would be tough; I didn't realize how they could sneak up on me and remind me that I am not as strong as I think. It reminds me that I am a mother, regardless of whether the little guy is here or not. I am thinking about you a lot little Quin, and missing you every day.

Finally Able to Listen to Music Again

Monday, May 5, 2008
AMONG THE WILDFLOWERS
(Loving this song today)

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free.
~Tom Petty

Ups and Downs

Saturday, May 3, 2008
Sweet Freedom
On Friday, I headed back to St. Joe's for my first Remicade infusion. Basically, this means that I sat in a recliner for about 4 hours while medication was dripped into my blood stream. Yes, it was weird. They do this in an Oncology center, so I was surrounded by cancer patients. It could always be worse, right? Anyhoo, once I got used to it, I felt right at home. The nurses were super friendly, and they even gave me a soft, warm blanket to snuggle up with. I asked her if there were many patients who come in for Remicade infusions with Crohn's and Colitis, and she told me that the number has been steadily increasing over the past few years. She leaned in a bit closer, and gave me a huge smile and said: "See that guy a few chairs down. He has what you have and he feels great. You are really going to love this." In my head, I was thinking-yeah, right, I have heard that before.
But you know what, I woke up today, feeling better than I have in 10 years. This disease really started up when I moved to Colorado in April of 1998-ten years ago this month. I looked in the mirror this morning, staring in amazement, in awe of the way I felt. My large intestine was so inflamed that I literally lost about 4-5 inches from my waste overnight. I think I felt bad for so long, that I forgot what it feels like to feel good. So, today I am singing the praises for pharmaceuticals. On the news, we always see the downside of prescription drugs, but when you have no alternatives, sometimes the risk is worth it, if it gives you quality of life. That being said, I know there are great risks, lymphoma being one of them, so I am taking this day by day. I hope that these medicines will continue to evolve, and I pray that someday there is a cure. I feel like my suffering will be worth something, if the medical community can learn something from me. My next treatment is in 2 weeks, and I can't wait.
Will post some pictures soon, having technical difficulties. On that note, my cell phone died and has deleted all of my phone numbers, and I lost our address book. So, I am without contact info for everyone. Please email me your info when you have a chance!

Losing My Health

Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Breaking The Cycle

As many of you know, during the past decade, I have suffered from Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Working, eating, and living my life have become impossible at times. At its worst, Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis both deny people of a normal life, or of a life at all. This is something so difficult to speak about, but I have decided it is time to take some action. I wish for everyone suffering from digestive disease like mine, comfort and strength. Even more, I hope that we gather this strength and push to find more answers. Currently doctors are able to relieve some symptoms and try to prevent relapses with various drug treatments, but that is not enough. Next week, I am about to start Remicade infusions. There are risks, but I hope this will help put my disease in remission for a while. And someday, I hope that I won't need this at all. Living life in pain is just not acceptable anymore.

Please help me raise money for Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America, use this link to donate. http://www.active.com/donate/takestepsDN07/RCampbe389

The website is secure, fast and easy to use. At the website you will be able to choose an amount to donate and receive email confirmation of your donation. Thanks in advance for your help. I am walking to help spread the word about this disease and the people who live with them everyday. Come join me at the Denver Zoo on May 10th for the Denver Walk. For more information on Crohn's and Colitis and walks in your area, please go to www.ccfa.org!

Love,
Renee

The Saint

Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Four Legged Friend





Hello. We took the plunge, and adopted a dog. It was a difficult decision, but it felt great. Sam, formally Yosemite Sam, seems to fit right in. He happily naps on the floor by the bed, and chases anyone he can around the yard. It has felt so good to laugh again, and this dog is ridiculous in every way- perfect! Here are a few photos.

The Time and Grief Continuum

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Time

You know, it is strange how I can think about Quinlan a million times in one day and think about his gentle soul. It really is something how often you can be reminded of someone so special. When I came back to read my blog, I actually thought, "Oh my God, this happened to me." How can that be, that I had to lose Quinlan and Tibby just a few months ago? It really brings me to my knees now and again. I can tell that quite a few people are probably thinking, "Would they just move on already?" Sadly, that isn't how it works. Grief isn't linear. It comes in waves, and out of order, triggered by the strangest things. Don and I deserve this time to grieve, and to heal. If anyone out there has lost a child, I feel your pain, and I have heard from so many of you, that you can feel mine. I know that you know how tough this truly is. Especially to hear the deafening silence that accompanies a beautiful birth.

I write on this blog not to entertain, although I do think that was my original intent, way back when I was still in my magic bubble. I write this now because I need to. I need to feel like this just might help someone else who has been through a loss as great as ours. I have learned that there is comfort in numbers. I have been attending the MISS foundation meetings in Denver and have heard some really incredible stories, stories of horror and stories of triumph, parents who have the courage to bravely face life again and to take a chance on love. Even that has to be relearned I am afraid.

At the MISS meeting, someone said, "Gosh, you know, there has to be something good in this. So many new faces and losses every month. We have to see ourselves as being so thankful for what we have, either a new child, an older child, an adopted one. We are going to love and appreciate our child or our family and friends that much more." These women make me feel proud to be a woman and to face what we do in this world. We try to do it all, career and family, teacher and mother, wife, chef, maid:), and when you fail at something, which is what this feels like, when you lose this growing soul inside of you, no one will know that pain. There is nothing like it. Nothing. I can't thank these women enough for sharing their stories with me, and urging me to go on.

To my cousin Ruth, I am so happy for you! Myah is beautiful. She chose you, that is for sure. To Kirsten, congrats on your new baby boy, Asher. Hannah, Emma, and Seth- I love you so much.

And to my cousin Shannon, who is fighting the battle of her life, I think of you, your family, and little Marie-every day.

Inspiration

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Words

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. -Gilda Radner

Three Months

Thursday, February 14, 2008
The New Us



Three months ago today, our lives started over. We had no warning, no choice. We felt like our family was ripped away from us.

Today is Valentine's Day, and while I feel it is a bit corny, it reminds me that I have a heart that yearns to love. Valentines Day will always be the day that I remember what I have in my life, not what I don't have. Just in the past few days, I have began to feel normal again. Or, at least, I have started to accept the new normal. And with that, I have been able to open my heart again to those around me who have shown me so much love. Don't get me wrong, this hasn't come easy or happened overnight. I have worked hard to get to this point. For those of you who have grieved a sudden loss, or two, you know that this can take years before the memories come to you without overwhelming sadness and bitterness.

So, today, I am focusing my love to my husband who has been there, I mean been there, to pull me out of what I call the deep downs. To that place where your want to pull your heart out, to that place where you can't get out of bed, to that place where you feel helpless and hopeless all at once. Once again, he has helped me to stay above water when I thought I couldn't tread water anymore.

I dedicate today to three beautiful souls: my husband, my angel Tibby, and my little baby boy Quinlan.


Happy V Day to everyone!
Love
Renee

Hopeful

Monday, January 7, 2008
Change is gonna come around real soon...



Friends, family, anonymous readers, I am so happy to announce that tomorrow, January 8, 2008, Don and I are closing on our new home in Centennial. We are so excited. It feels like someone is pushing play on the cassette tape (had to include an 80s reference). Life is lurching forward and we couldn't be more ready to board that train. This house comes complete with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a family room and a living room, and 1970's popcorn ceiling texture. It also includes a fenced yard, which, you guessed it, will be home to a soon to be rescued dog. Tibby is lost, but certainly not forgotten. She has been on our minds since the moment we brought her home that first day and continues to affect us every day. Trust me, she will never be replaced.

The news on the baby front is....we are still waiting for answers. We do, however, have some facts. First, there was some sort of umbilical cord incident. They are not sure how or why yet. It could have been a twist, or it could have been a clot. Most likely, Quinlan's death is the result of bad luck. There are still other things to rule out genetically. Second, I am going to be tested extensively next week so that they can truly determine whether or not I played a role in his demise. Finally, the placenta was a bit small for his gestational age, not sure what that means yet. So, we know that realistically we might not get more news than that, but we want to gather as much information as possible for future babies and for ours and others piece of mind. Once all of the results are back and we (meaning Don, myself, and a team of doctors) decide its safe to spin the wheel of fortune again, then this website will live to see another day.

Until then, we feel like two of our crew have fallen; they didn't quite make it to live in the new house. Although, we know that they are always with us, in our hearts, and for now that has to be enough. We are moving forward. We are hopeful for more good in our lives, and thankful for the good we already have had.

My Therapy

Sunday, December 16, 2007
Moving on up...



Hello everyone. Alright, I changed my mind. I am going to keep posting on this site as a way to give tribute to Quinlan. Infact, I think I will post pictures of him here as well. Don't be afraid to post comments. Some of you have noticed that I started a new blog, but I think I will continue with this too.

I must thank you all for sending so many thoughtful emails, cards, and letters. There is so much healing in all of your kind words and wishes. It makes life easier to swallow.

We are trying to move forward and keep ourselves busy. As many of you know, over the past three years, Don and I have spent a lot of time trying to find the right home in the Denver area. We put an offer on a house in the tech center and we will close January 8th. Our future home is a neighborhood that we love, Walnut Hills. I student taught in this community, and we have looked at several homes there over the years. We hope that this is a place that we can start over, start fresh. Until then, we are staying with Don's parents. If you need the address, please let me know. We were fortunate to stay with our friend Liz for the past few weeks, and we are so thankful for that.

This weekend we plan to go to the Evergreen Lake House to see the Mt. Evans Hopice Tree of Angels. Our dear friend, Kathi, made a gift in Quinlan's name. He is symbolically represented as one of the angels that adorns the tree; his name has been placed in the Book of Angels. This gift brings medical care to local residents and families. What a beautiful way to pay tribute to our little guy. His legacy is that he has brought us and others so much kindness, generosity, and love.

Reflections

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Right now, the days seem long, and a bit empty, but every day I feel ready to start again and make the most of all of this. I look through the photographs of both Quinlan and Tibby and think about how much my life changed in a matter of one month. It is easy to question why; it is convenient to think that there is a reason; it is so painful to remember my life then. I hope to God that there is a day when I feel full again.



I don't feel the suns coming out today, its staying in, its gonna find another way. As I sit here in this misery, I don't think I'll ever see the sun from here. And, oh as I fade away, they'll all look at me and say, and they'll say: Hey look at him, the way he is these days...but life is hard, you have to change.
-Blind Melon

The News: Quinlan's Destiny

Saturday, November 17, 2007
Quinlan James Campbell




As hard as this is, Don and I wanted to honor our son on our final post. He was born on November 14th at 7:27 a.m. We named him Quinlan, which was our favorite name from the beginning. When we saw him, we knew we made the right choice. He looked perfect, which made accepting his loss even more painful. But, saying hello to him was the only way we could say goodbye. I wish I could tell you why this happened. There is a good chance that we will never know. I can tell you that what Don, myself, and our doctor witnessed that morning was a beautiful thing, a moment in my life that I will never forget. Right now, what I am holding onto, is the love and healing that is coming from all of you. If anything can come out of all of this, I think it must be that life is more fragile than I ever imagined, and that Don and I are incredibly fortunate that we have friends and family as strong as all of you. Don and I are taking this day by day, and I hope that in time we can get back to a normal life. Please know that we will be in touch when we can, and that we love all of you.

Renee & Don

Out Greatest Fear

Tuesday, November 13, 2007
News


We wanted to let everyone know that the baby did not make it.
You can contact us at campbell802@mac.com or reneecampbell99@gmail.com

Waiting, But Losing Patience

Monday, November 12, 2007
Not Going Anywhere


Still in the hospital and the news is: I will be here until I deliver. It won't be the 60 days until my due date, however, there is no specifics on a date. It really is day by day, hour by hour. Frustrating when you are confined to a bed and being monitored every hour on the hour. At one point they thought they would deliver this weekend, but here it is Monday and we are still in a holding pattern. Just staying on bedrest and medication has saved the little guy one month in ICU. The consensus among the doctors is sometime this week. With pre-eclampsia there are many deciding factors, but in my case, blood pressure will probably be what determines the delivery.

Last night Don was able to see the Neo-Natal Intensive Care (I don't know is I spelled that right) and was very impressed. A nurse came to talk to us about babies at 31 1/2 weeks and what his journey will be like. It was completely overwhelming for me and all I kept thinking was that I have to stay close to this little thing and protect him. The past few days I have been spending my time contemplating all of this. There has been a lot of sleeping, a lot of migraines with medication, and lot of staring out the window. TV seems fairly pointless (I can't even watch the Hills). I try to read but it is hard to concentrate, and I would love to call you all but that seems to wear me out a bit...nothing personal-Don is trying to keep people posted, but this has been just as wearing on him, especially with work and selling our condo. So, be patient with us and try to check back here with updates.

Just a reminder that we are at St. Joseph's in Denver. It is a very nice hospital and we feel confident that we are in good hands.

In the Hospital

Friday, November 9, 2007
Yada, Yada, Yada


So, I am back in the hospital. The Chronicles of Renee's pregnancy continues...
I have to say though, St. Joe's has some fantastic chicken fingers on the menu (although they do give me a bit of heartburn). My good friend, Liz, was kind enough to bring me her laptop so that I can stay connected. And, this time around, I was smart enough to bring my own pillows. So, here I am, more bed rest, more tests, more fun. Please note the sarcasm. For those of you who don't know, I have PIH or pregnancy induced hypertension. My blood pressure is through the roof. This has triggered pre-eclampsia (Or maybe it is the same thing-I don't know anymore). They are watching my kidney, liver, and neurological symptoms closely. I am at thirty-one weeks, so they want this pregnancy to last a little bit longer. However, if my blood platelets continue to decrease, we might be off to the races sooner than later. Don is handling all of the moving that is taking place this weekend. He is the captain of that ship. This is challenging for me as I am a bit of a controlling personality. Yes, I know it is hard to believe, but I am. I can admit my faults. Also, I wanted to take a moment to thank my mom and Mike,and our friends Robert, Athena, and Liz for all of their help this past week. This past weekend I had a wonderful shower that really lifted my spirits. For now, I will remain here...email if you would like. I will keep you updated.
Love-Renee

Changes

Posted by RC at 12:20 PM 3 comments
Monday, November 5, 2007
Changes



Where to begin? Last Sunday, our world shifted a bit. We were in the process of trying to buy a house and decided to take an evening walk before bed to think and talk about everything. It was a beautiful, gloomy, fall night with a full moon. Honestly, something was bound to happen. We were playing wth our four-legged friend and love of my life...Tibby. As many of you know..Don and I loved her and did just about anything for her because she brought us so much unconditional love, espceially during some really difficuly times in our own lives. I hate to talk about this in writing but it seems to be the best way for me to get it out. There were some poor choices made, by us all, and she sprinted across the road and was hit by a speeding truck. We all went into schock and tried to save her. I wish there was a way...I wish I could take the whole day back, I wish a lot of things. What I do know is that people might say that she was just a dog, but I know how much more she was. Her soul was so strong and caring and loving and most people on this earth do not posess these qualities. She was known by so many, but most important by Don and I, and we will not forget how much she did for us.

This leads me to Tuesday, just a few days later. We happened to have our 30-week check up and lo and behold pregnancy issues abound. Chronic hypertension and potentially pre-eclampsia. Oh it is just too hard to explain, so you will have to google it:) I was advised to check right in tot he hospital, which at the time seemed a very welcome change from our apartment where my tiny, furry friend lived. We did many tests throughout the week, and my amazing husbnad stayed the whole time...sleeping on a horrible pull out chair. In the end, it sounds as though this baby is going to come really early. He is close to 3 lbs now and we are all hoping he can make it another month. They have decided the pre-eclampsia is mild, but could turn serious at any time. The hypertension is a bit rough. My bp bounces all ovetr theplace and I have been put on bedrest indefinately. It has been almost one week of laying on my left side. For those of you who know how much I like to move, you know how much this is sheer torture. The point is this baby is comng out sooner than later. It is certain that he won't be out in '08. Hopefully late November or early December. Maybe I will start an on-line poll for the due date. We need some kind of humor in all of this, right?

The Shift

Thursday, October 25, 2007
Happy Anniversary!

This weekend marks our 5 year anniversary! As most of you know that these past 5 years have been pretty eventful. We thought things might slow down, but with Baby Cam on the way, life is sure to be busier than ever! On Don's birthday (October 16th), we received an offer on our condo and we will close on the 16th of November (fingers crossed). We are now in the process of finding a new place and starting the next chapter. Here is a picture of Don and I last year on vacation...footloose and fancy-free!

Lots of Naps

Friday, October 5, 2007
Tiiiiiiiiiiiiired.
Hello. I am officially tired again. As I head into the third trimester, I am both excited and nervous. Registering for baby supplies was overwhelming...there is so much that you need, and so much that you think you need but you really don't. Confusing to say the least. It was fun looking at all of the cute little things, but scary to think that I need to know how to use all of it and how to keep this little man comfortable and safe. Don was enjoying the use of the scanner at babiesrus, and kept me going when I was ready to go night-night on the floor of the store. We also registered at rightstart.com which has wonderful items, and we get 10% back to spend in the store. This is always a good thing:)

The baby is getting bigger everyday and the kicking is pretty cool to feel. As all of you mommies know, it is like a form of secret communication. As I waddle through the neighborhood walking the dog, I realize how odd a pregnant women looks in this neighborhood - I seem to be the only one. Tibby and Don are well. I am good and thankful that I am not teaching. I am also thankful I have a sleep number bed (this is the best invention ever which I highly recommend). My doctor is very pleased that I am still gaining weight and that the baby is doing well. Having an auto-immune disease while pregnant is definately a roller-coaster ride, but I keep reminding myself that it could always be worse. I am off to take a nappie. Until next time...

Boy, We've Got News

Thursday, September 20, 2007
Living Large



Well, the big news right now is my size. I am expanding by the day; I am even beginning to walk like George Jefferson, walking side to side, using my right arm for momentum.

The baby is moving and kicking more frequently, nearly every day. I feel ok, but bathroom breaks are more frequent, and sleep is becoming more challenging. I know, I know, I have heard it many times. "Once you have the baby you really won't be sleeping." However, I can complain if I want-I'm pregnant!

I have posted some pics of me feeling balloon-like, me and the Tib, and Don and I at our friends' (Rob and Traci) wedding.
Eventually, pictures of me will fade away and you will notice more of Don. This is no coincidence. As I become more self-deprecating, Don will get more blog time:)
Posted by RC at 5:50 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Little Man


I love knowing who is living inside of me. A tiny little baby boy. Don and I are very excited. Along with his little parts and pieces, we were able to see the four chambers of the heart, his spine, and his stomach. It was a little difficult to see some of this, because this child was awake and especially busy. While we will continue to have appointments every four weeks, the next ultrasound is not until the 32nd week, so no more pics of baby until then. As you can see in the most recent, his face looks a little less alien and a little more baby. Enjoy!
Posted by RC at 10:36 AM 2 comments
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
We've Got News
IT'S A BOY!!!!!

We just found out about an hour ago! Wanted to update the site as soon as possible to let you all know. Pictures coming soon-

The Interview

Sunday, August 19, 2007
An Interview With Hannah & Emma


Kids always have the best information!
Here is a look into the wisdom of my nieces: Hannah (Starts the 4th Grade tomorrow) & Emma (Favorite animal is a giraffe).

Who is the funniest person you know?
H: Aunt Renee (thx Hannah:)
E: My dad

Will the baby be a boy or a girl?
H: A girl named Olivia
E: A boy named Matthew

What will the baby look like?
H: Dark brown hair, smiles a lot, funny when she grows up!
E: Blonde hair and brown eyes.

What will the baby act like?
H: She will like to scream a lot and laugh a lot!
E: He will be funny and naughty.

What advice would you give Uncle Don in order to be a good dad?
H: If you are alone with the baby, make sure that you don't let her cry too long because she might get a sore throat.
E: Make silly faces; be a good dad and make him laugh, play peek-a-boo.

What advice would you give Aunt Renee in order to be a good mom?
H: Have the baby do "Tummy-Time" so that she can learn to sit up and get strong!
E: Feed him, smile at him!

More advice from Hannah:

When changing a diaper, make sure that you put the diaper around her tight so that it doesn't leak. And, if it's a boy, do it quick so he doesn't pee on you:)

Get the baby a little pink t-shirt, baby shoes, baby jeans, and some cute baby overalls.

Thanks Hannah and Emma! I know that you are both amazing big sisters, and that you will be the best cousins! I know that I can always call you if I need any advice:)

My Bodyguard

Wednesday, August 15, 2007
20 Weeks and Counting

Hello all. Tomorrow marks the start of the 20th week. It truly is amazing how much different each week feels. (Someone likes to poke around near the belly button this week). Granted, it must be interesting, my belly button is now resembling a black hole, vast and endless.

Tibby has become very protective on our walks. Other dogs are not allowed to get too close to me, and trust me, she is letting them know. She is like a tiny, hairy bodyguard.

Stats at the Half-Way Point

Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Almost Half Way


Can you believe it? I am currently in week 18...almost halfway through this pregnancy. Don and I just saw our doctor again today and everything is going extremely well. While it is uncomfortable to go through this with IBD, (my colon hates me), it doesn't seem to affect the baby. They won't determine the sex for 4 more weeks. However, the big excitement this past week is all of the movement that I can feel. There is fluttering, tickling, poking, and the occasional karate kick.

Stats:
Food Cravings- Cottage cheeese and bbq potato chips
Weight- None of your business
Blood Pressure- Normal
Worries- N/A
Don- Calm
Tibby- Worried

Oh yeah-some food for thought...
Dr. Wester-who is fantastic-reminded us today that our child will graduate from high school in 2026. WEIRD.

Some bump photos:)

Cravings and Predictions

Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Steak Burritos




The most common question I have been asked is: Are you having any unusual cravings? I wouldn't call them unusual, just powerful. Steak burritos from Senor Burritos in Denver is probably number one on my list. Infact, I do believe I will go there this evening for dinner.

Don and I just got back from a trip to Indiana, and we were able to see some friends and family. It was great to see our neices and new baby nephew.

Hannah, who just turned 9, predicts the baby is a girl. She has a pretty good track record in this department; I think she is 10 for 12. We should find out in a few weeks, and yes, I want to know.

Seeing Quinlan

Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Alien Baby


Yet another doctors appointment today. That means more pictures of young alien baby. Enjoy.
Posted by RC at 8:31 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
More Images



This is the baby at about 14 weeks! I have already confirmed that there are ten fingers...not sure about the toes yet.
I am starting to enjoy this stage of the pregnancy as I am finally not permanently affixed to my couch. I will walk just about anywhere for a cookie dough ice cream cone.

In The beginning

Friday, July 6, 2007
First Post

Hello everyone! I have been inspired by my cousin Shannon and my more tech-savvy friends to keep my friends and family updated through the world of blogging. So, here it goes. In case you have not heard, I am pregnant! I am safely into the 2nd trimester; I am approximately 14 weeks along. So far, everything is going well. However, it seems like there is always another hurdle to jump.

According to the doctors, the baby already appears to be stubborn. He or she has been nicknamed "trouble". Aaaah, I have visions of the future. The baby seems to be the most comfortable lying on it's back, staring at it's fingers.