So, for the grievers out there, and for myself, I can tell you that as the days are nearing, so are: (a) anxiety, (b) irrational thinking, (c) nausea, and (d) sorrow, sweet-sweet sorrow. This is more difficult than so many people can imagine. I had no idea that it feels like this. I would never have known this feeling, but now I see it in others, who are struggling. It makes me want to fight for them, because they are so misunderstood.
Finding a reason why this happened, or justifying it does not help. To consider something would have been wrong with him or that is a part of God's plan doesn't bring me peace. It makes me wonder what kind of God would take something so precious away from me, because Quinlan was either too special or not special enough. And, that is not a place I want to go to, at all.
Tomorrow we are attending a Walk To Remember, where people of all walks who have lost infants will gather. I am preparing for this mentally tonight. I don't know what to expect. I just want to do as much as possible to honor him.
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